What to do when the other person is wrong

When I know that what the other person is saying is wrong, I find it incredibly hard to listen openly. It’s easy to shut out everything else they say the moment I catch it. I immediately self-protect and get angry and righteous.

Communication is the thing we all get wrong. Instead of saying, this is what I heard, or as Brene Brown would say, “when I said this, and then you did this, this is the story I’m telling myself…” in effect giving the other person a chance to correct a misunderstanding… we go on the attack, or we shut down. Our hurt and our truth is the truth, and that’s all there is to it. But the other person has a truth too. They also have a story about how things went down.

What if, instead of walling up, we actually do listen? What if we go on a scavenger hunt and listen for what we can understand, what we can latch onto that we can work from? Would that hurt our egos too much? Would that make us wrong and too vulnerable? Am I too angry and hurt to want to heal from this? How important is this relationship to me?
You might say, it’s just too exhausting, and I’m sick of being the one doing all the work. Because no chance they’re saying the same thing…

It’s really exhausting to carry that anger and hurt. We’ve just built up a nice habit of doing it. But alas it breaks us all down.
Both options are exhausting, but one has promise. There are times when we do need to walk away. Just make sure it’s not coming from the wall. It is very possible to walk away with love and blessing. It is also very possible to stoke the relationship with love and blessing.

Communication for Pure Presence

At Pure Presence, between me, Tricia & Jenilyn, we had agreed to post weekly. So far we’ve posted one this month, thanks to Jenilyn, and the topic that we’ve dedicated for this month is Communication. None of us have called each other on the missing posts. Isn’t that a riot?

Once upon a time when I worked in corporate, one of my fellow associates shared with me the story about his daughter who hid her report card from him in fear of the consequences. He said to her, “the sign of maturity is in one’s ability to share bad news.” To this day, I have carried those words with me, and they have nudged and guided me, because I really want to be mature, most of the time.

For me, I find it challenging to share even good news, like the gifts I see in others. Have you ever tried expressing to another person your acknowledgment or gratitude for him or her?

What is hard to communicate is revealing anything that let’s another person in. Usually it’s the thing that makes me really uncomfortable and offers me little idea where this risk is going to take me. It makes me fear death of some sort because the feeling is, I am not going to survive this. Yet paradoxically, when I can pull away from my drama and witness what is really going on with me, I see that this very act of communicating brings me to life. I go into Pure Presence, and obstacles begin to dissolve. Even if the result is not what I hoped for, I feel fully and everything is flowing inside of me.The Universe takes over and gifts me with blessings my analytical mind could never conceive.

Tricia- you’re up next week.