When we’re trying to figure out our lives, we’re often asked about our long term vision. What do I want my life to look like in 10 years?
This question assumes that my current self knows anything about the future. My 30 year old self couldn’t conceive of what the world would look like today. She couldn’t imagine what 51 year old me would experience, grow into, or want.
The question I find more compelling is, what do I want my life to look like today?
I look to what’s bothering me. It gives me a clue into my own attitudes about self and about the world as well as what’s causing me the most pain. I believe that each of our personal angst is special. It prompts us to become change agents for our own unique sh%#, and in that, not only can we find our way out, we become unique experts in them.
I also look to what I already have that’s good. Because it affirms that I’ve done this before. I’ve created good, and it’s a reminder of what I am capable of.
They both give me clues into the trajectory of my life, I suppose, but I’ve long stopped needing a clear picture of it. It holds me back from doing what I need to do to first make today okay and set the right tone for tomorrow.
In this context then, the question isn’t what do I need to do to make things (and others) comfortable with me? Nor is it what can I do to seek approval?
I think I even short-change myself when I ask what do I need to do to feel good about myself? This question deepens the well for neediness and band-aid solutions.
The question for me is, what do I need to do right now to make things right and good? It’s self-loving, life affirming, empowering, and purposeful.