Process or Distract

Whatever stressors you are experiencing, process them. Meaning, figure out how to move past them. Otherwise your traumas and extreme events stay with you. They move in. They seep into the tissues, muscles, cells, and into the subconsciousness, and they transform themselves into fears and mental-emotional issues. They distort reality, and they build walls.

When we cried or were upset as kids, well-intentioned parents often distracted us, pointed at something glittery, entertained us, or… we didn’t have tablets back then, but now… parents often place shiny tablets or cell phones into little hands.
We grew up, and we learned not to self-soothe, but to find diversion. We turn to wine, vodka, cappuccinos and chocolate. We get off on blaming. We shop. We focus on other people’s problems and become selfless servants. We delve deep, deep into work. We dwell in our anxiety and read up on more tools to get rid of our physical and emotional problems to no avail.

Have you tried just feeling the pain through? Have you tried letting yourself cry until your eyes are puffy? Have you allowed yourself to feel the sensation of that anger? Just to feel the pain. Not to further embed a shame, blame, or justification story.

Your body needs that attention. Your heart, your core, and your circulation needs to feel the pulsing, shaking movements and the emphatic exhalations that come with the cries and the angers. It needs your love, willingness, and presence so that it can move the pain through. Your body needs you as a witness to it. That’s part of letting your body matter. It doesn’t want you to turn away, stiffen up, and chest breath to stimulate a sympathetic response (fight & flight). It’s a violent thing we do to our bodies and to ourselves. We suffocate in our own pain. Some of us have gotten so good at this that we seemingly function at a high level and we aren’t aware of our stuckness… though our body aches, we can’t digest anything, and our relationships suffer… and we don’t make the connection.

Give yourself the time. When your body and emotions matter, your body begins to act in alignment with what you need, because it is released from the cage that was the self-preservation we adopted as children. Let it go.

4 thoughts on “Process or Distract

  1. I am just reading this. After being with you and Jodh on Saturday I tried to delve into my spiritual hungersq during my Sunday sadhana. I’ve been cheerfully responding how well and fine I’m doing for 6 weeks. Part of me is. The reality that came through my body and heart on Sunday was that I am not at all fully ok. I miss my Sunflower family desperately. I miss seeing, touching, laughing and crying with the children, teachers and parents. My body was feeling dizzy, off balance, sick and shutting down for the last week. Because of your session I took the time to go really deep to know why. I cried and danced and held myself and rocked for 2 hours. I’m still crying off and on but feeling more balanced after such a huge realization and release. Thank you for steering and guiding me and so many others that you touch. I am so incredibly grateful. Love & Sat Nam

    1. Dear Susan! Thank you for giving yourself this time to listen to your bodies and letting them matter. And by that, for letting yourself matter. This release may be all that you need to move through this to be okay… and it may be clearing the space to know what’s next for you. I’m always amazed at how good it feels to release, and yet, we so often hold it back. Thank you for sharing and reminding us that balance could be just a cry and dance away. It was wonderful to see you on Saturday. Much love and gratitude for you, Susan. xo

  2. I just read this again after some daily cries. It really articulates extremely well the importance of that letting go, letting cry. Letting scream till you are absolutely rung out. Children can do it if allowed, accepted and observed with wonder. They are our teachers. Love you so much.

    1. Susan, I’m glad this has helped you. It’s important to keep learning from each other, and how sweet it is to be able to learn from our children! Love you back.

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