Whatever stressors you are experiencing, process them. Meaning, figure out how to move past them. Otherwise your traumas and extreme events stay with you. They move in. They seep into the tissues, muscles, cells, and into the subconsciousness, and they transform themselves into fears and mental-emotional issues. They distort reality, and they build walls.
When we cried or were upset as kids, well-intentioned parents often distracted us, pointed at something glittery, entertained us, or… we didn’t have tablets back then, but now… parents often place shiny tablets or cell phones into little hands.
We grew up, and we learned not to self-soothe, but to find diversion. We turn to wine, vodka, cappuccinos and chocolate. We get off on blaming. We shop. We focus on other people’s problems and become selfless servants. We delve deep, deep into work. We dwell in our anxiety and read up on more tools to get rid of our physical and emotional problems to no avail.
Have you tried just feeling the pain through? Have you tried letting yourself cry until your eyes are puffy? Have you allowed yourself to feel the sensation of that anger? Just to feel the pain. Not to further embed a shame, blame, or justification story.
Your body needs that attention. Your heart, your core, and your circulation needs to feel the pulsing, shaking movements and the emphatic exhalations that come with the cries and the angers. It needs your love, willingness, and presence so that it can move the pain through. Your body needs you as a witness to it. That’s part of letting your body matter. It doesn’t want you to turn away, stiffen up, and chest breath to stimulate a sympathetic response (fight & flight). It’s a violent thing we do to our bodies and to ourselves. We suffocate in our own pain. Some of us have gotten so good at this that we seemingly function at a high level and we aren’t aware of our stuckness… though our body aches, we can’t digest anything, and our relationships suffer… and we don’t make the connection.
Give yourself the time. When your body and emotions matter, your body begins to act in alignment with what you need, because it is released from the cage that was the self-preservation we adopted as children. Let it go.