…the human spirit is to grow strong by conflict.” —William Ellery Channing
When we wake up to things that don’t feel right, or that are not acceptable to us, it prompts us to want to do something about it. And hopefully we do.
Because when we don’t, the existential anxiety that follows and accumulates with each pass feels so much worse than facing the difficulties. As I close my eyes to imagine doing this to myself, and the consequences of it, I can feel the dis-ease coming through. This very thought of passing creates what I can identify as depression entering my body. As I imagine continuing on in this way over time, I can feel the dis-ease setting in, eventually to take over my mind.
When I close my eyes to imagine, instead, confronting challenges, I won’t lie; it does not make me feel light on my feet, I don’t necessarily feel strong and energetic, nor do I feel happy about it. A sense of fear starts to seep through as I am unable to imagine the unknown. This I know I must catch and harness before it becomes overwhelming. But I sense that there will be answers (or clarity) on the other end, even in rejection; even in getting screamed at or judged. But I will have acted on an internal prompt for change. Prompted by me. I will have listened to myself. And things will have been revealed to me. And I will be able to move on real next steps based on real feedback because I will no longer be justifying and enrolling others in my stories based on imagined situations from worry, shame and regret ruminating in my mind and body, which ultimately lead to addictive or disempowering behaviors.
If pain will be felt at parts of my journey, no matter which path I take, then I want something to show for it, and I want it to be my path. Something other than existential anxiety and regret. I want the rousing to arouse me rather than cower me.
I believe that if taking chances on behalf of Truth are a gamble, then we are the house, and the odds are on our side. We just need to play like the house that we are.