To know what I want, I’ve needed to sort through other contenders, like what I think I want, how they line up against what others want (for me), and what I believe I will lose if I align with myself instead. Rocking the boat isn’t fun. It seems so much easier to keep the peace, or at least be more passive about it, even though internally, in this (fear-based) context, there seems to be an inverse relationship between keeping the peace with others and keeping the peace with self.
It takes conscious practice to sort through competing thoughts, find my voice, trust in it, and use it. I find that when someone gets angry or frustrated with me -and where ultimately I, too, end up angry or frustrated with myself – it’s not because I voiced myself humbly and honestly. It’s because I didn’t. Or I was passive aggressive or straight out aggressive about it.
I learned that our ability to clearly communicate what we want directly correlates to our emotional well being.
It must be true because the more I keep up with my practices that support my emotional wellness – both on the mat and off – the clearer I am about myself; the clearer I am about what I want, and the clearer my communication. When this happens, that inverse relationship shifts to a direct correlation between keeping peace with self and keeping peace with others.
Note: A 6-day course in Conscious Communication is coming to Evanston (near Chicago) in two 3-day immersion weekends. July 17-19 and October 2-4. Click here for details.