Just before Christmas, I got pretty sick for the first time in seriously over a decade.

I lost my voice for the first time in 18 years, and I am now left with this cough that isn’t frequent, but when it starts, the urge to continue is strong. Both my eyes were red for 4 days. I’ve been using the neti pot every day to clear out my sinuses as well as the nasya oil to keep those passages lubricated and nourished. Outside of that, no fever, no body aches, no head aches, nothing. Though I wasn’t tired, I let myself sleep in way longer than usual.

At first, I thought, oh, where did I go wrong? I started leaning into the metaphysical explanations– why did I lose my voice? What am I not saying that I want to say?

Then I just surrendered into it. I just slowed down, got rid of the judgment, and literally enjoyed my sick time. It gave me opportunity to revisit my lifestyle: my relationship to food more than what am I actually eating, my yoga and meditation practices, other forms of physical exercise, and the relationship to my own mind and body image. What I do when I wake up and when I go to sleep, and my attitudes around them. The relationships I have with those around me, and what they are telling me. The relationship I have around my work and money, and the milestones I want to (or think I want to) reach in my life.

I got to slow down and let those relationships speak to me. I got to see what I don’t like (without judgement), where I’m holding on too strongly, and where to make the shifts. Instead of stressing out over what things could or should look like, I let my life speak to me as I lived each moment. As I saw things, I made note, trusting that guidance will come from the intentions set forth to remain open rather that’s taking on a more dramatic and laborious approach towards finding answers. Because while I could benefit from some change in my life, I also love my life, and getting sick to slow me down so that I can find that expression was the gift from the Universe that I desperately needed.