We need not defend ourselves internally, though it seems that we often do. We replay our last conversations, and our minds automatically justify what we said as if that’s going to help us affirm our very being. As we move through life, we value ourselves against others to know how good a human we are.
We don’t need to. We are already complete in ourselves as the continually evolving humans that we are, and living in the present moment is a much more effective and powerful solution to affirming our very being.
That said, when we do come up against conversations and situations that seem to challenge our belief or operating systems, we might do better to shift from a defensive position to taking time to find any bit of truth in the dissonant messaging that that experience has struck within us that has caused us to take defense.
This isn’t to say that we are falling short or that we are wrong. And this isn’t for the other person’s benefit either. It’s for our benefit, so that we may release ourselves from the defense (which doesn’t produce a good feeling and causes more stuck-ness than anything else) and so that we may be reminded to stay open, to see what others may be seeing that we are unable to see ourselves. It’s a way of practicing neutrality and finding opportunities to refine the way we operate so that we become more aligned and clearer in expression, creativity, and action.
It’s finding our blind spots and expanding into better versions of ourselves without the judgment but with the ah-ha’s that come with being open to the infinitely creative ways to evolve and relate to ourselves and others.
And when the defense mode melts away, our nervous systems can restore, we can love ourselves with greater ease, and the present moment becomes accessible.