I was talking to a friend who shared that it seems unfair to expect in one person that they be the significant other/ lover, best friend, financial partner, emotional support, secret keeper of all things, housework partner, inspiration… the person to share bad news with, good news with, all your challenges, who listens when you need to be heard and talks when you need solutions or words of inspiration, holds space when you want them to, and distracts you with pleasures when you need that instead. To want to eat what you want to eat and believe in what you believe in.
That’s what we seem to fantasize.
We might consider if it’s a fair expectation that one’s lover should also be one’s best friend. My friend pointed out that there was a time in history that one would have a significant other and a different best friend.
What do you think?
I think that if someone expected all of that in me, it would be an unfair burden. I would feel set up for failure.
As I listened, I realized that my default is to turn to myself first. To sit in the celebration or the failure first, listen, feel, breathe, clear my mind of all the noise around them. I feel quite content to celebrate internally first– it’s a sacred moment really– before I pick up the phone to externalize. I feel more grounded when I first allow myself to settle in to the perceived hardship myself, to know what my internal compass is saying first, before I let the words come out and have to sort through another person’s opinions. Where I often feel the need to adjust is in knowing how long to stay there before I consciously choose who to share with or ask for support.
What do you do?