It’s not your job to fix it for your child

Things won’t always work out for them, and when it’s painful for them, which can be quite often, it’s painful for us. We want to do anything to make the pain go away.

When you save them from their pain, if you could save them, then you let them know that they couldn’t save themselves, and that you don’t have the faith.

It’s your job to hold that space for them, let them feel what they need to feel, feel with them in a way that they know you understand their pain but also in a way that they won’t feel like they need to scoop in to save you.

In that action alone, they will be most comforted.

They will know that it’s okay to feel something other than happy because you validated them by making it okay to feel what they feel. Their chances of moving through difficult feelings and finding self-soothing mechanisms will increase. They won’t learn that distraction from pain is the way to go, and they won’t be thoroughly irritated by you because you are trying to rationalize or solve their pain away, which often gives rise to arguments between you and child, born out of your need to soothe yourself out of their pain.

This is an opportunity for you to learn to trust their individual process of growing up and dealing with adversity at a time in their lives when they still have the safety net of living in your nest. This is what home means.

Give it to them.

It’s also an opportunity for you to work through why you might be so compelled to distract, fix, or even fall apart when what they need is your presence, love and safe space to be a complete mess at times, which then provides space for authentic joy.

Then extend this out to your adult self, your adult friends and family.

2 thoughts on “It’s not your job to fix it for your child

  1. This totally landed in my lap when I needed a hand. Thank you for this reminder , as a parent,
    As to what benefits my child and myself,

    I really appreciate and look for your writings and thoughts…..
    Best

    1. I am glad this was helpful. Thank you for connecting with me here and letting me know. I am always so appreciative of how serendipity works– when I needed a hand, a book literally fell from the top shelf of a bookstore and hit me on the head! Be kind to yourself, always. It’s important for our children to see that too.

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