Wonder why sometimes what (s)he does bothers you and at other times it doesn’t?

It depends on whether or not your tank is full. 

When you are emotionally triggered, your gas gauge is telling you to fill up. 

Every human being has spiritual hungers, which have to do with matters of existing: hunger to exist, to be seen, to be heard, to be touched, to be loved, to be affirmed, to be respected, to be understood, to matter, to know another person, to feel connected to others, to love, to express, to experience fully, to learn, to trust, to touch, to be valued, to make a difference, to fulfill one’s purpose, to know God… 

In truth, everything we do in our life is a way to make us feel whole, which, in essence, is our hunger to know God, or to know oneSelf.

The more whole you feel, the less triggered you are. 

When you are feeling slighted, angry, or frustrated, instead of concluding that it’s because the other person did something to you, ask yourself, what am I hungry for that this person could have this much power over me?

Identify your spiritual hunger and then take ownership for getting that hunger met. It doesn’t have to be met by the person who triggered you. Get creative. You can find ways to affirm yourself. You can ask someone to say something good about you– you’d be surprised how amazingly thoughtful and generous they can be in answering your request. You can ask another person to give you a hug and not let go for at least 10 seconds. You can ask your significant other if (s)he would put away the dishes tonight. The point is, you are making a clear request. No one has to guess what you want. And what a relieve for both of you!

This practice not only gets to the source of your pain, but it helps improve communication, and it makes you less vulnerable to triggers.

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