Are you an enabler?

  1. You are allowed to set boundaries.
  2. You are allowed to wave bye bye to anyone who doesn’t respect them

–source unknown

This isn’t about changing someone. It’s about changing yourself. It’s about creating healthy boundaries so that you aren’t left feeling less than.

I.e.: used, abused, unappreciated, forced, desperate, drained, side-tracked, compromised, addicted.

The more you do what compromises your soul, the more you lose yourself in the weakness, hopelessness, childishness and cruelty of others.

Close your eyes to get your answer. Find a way to express yourself anchored in that answer rather than lost in any question. Understand that you are not asking. Your answer is not up for debate. Come from a place of compassion because you can only be enabling someone who is in pain or fear, and therefore that person will feel attacked and afraid. You can understand the difficulty in that situation without losing yourself in the process.

This is why the heart center resides between the navel and throat.

You might feel something stuck in your throat – an expression that is afraid to come out. Or maybe you feel an ache in your heart – this circumstance is so hard, so heartbreaking or you feel betrayed. Or you feel it in your gut, like you got punched in the stomach. Or all the way down, like this is shaking up your sense of security.

Either way, close your eyes and connect with the heart center, where your soul’s desires and Truth reside. Then connect with the navel center to find your courage to protect your divine right to unapologetically exist, and journey back up through the heart center to connect with the compassion you have for the other person and the experiences they have had, and the work they are doing that you will no longer be doing for them, and then move up to your throat center to unapologetically express. May it be clear, firm, unwavering, and kind in saying “no”.

The key is to come from self-love and compassion rather than from a punitive or judging place. They won’t like what you are doing because getting the enabling rug pulled out from underneath feels unreasonable, inconvenient, hurtful, mean and shocking. It will feel like you are changing the rules on them. It will feel like you are changing a long contracted agreement. They will both be true. And you will have done the most loving thing for yourself and for the other person. Because you will have liberated both of you from the co-dependency, empowering both of you to move forward with the work each of you were meant to do.

Sat Nam.

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